This is the Reason
by ChocoSpazz
Summary: There's something wrong with Naruto, and Kakashi wants to know. This is a yaoi fic, there is a possible lemon, and there WILL be MULTIPLE CHARACTER DEATHS! if you don't like it, don't click the link. Full summary inside.


peeks out from behind a brick wall err, um, hi guys! Anybody miss me? Probably not. Anyways, I know I should be working on Find Me, but I really couldn't help myself, I had to write this so. . . . whatever. This idea has probably already been used, and it's kind of cliché, but, err yeah .

Warnings: Multiple character deaths! But there's a reason for them! So don't hurt me.

um. . . enjoy!

Summary: Naruto's been acting strange for the past couple of months, thinking about a few tragedies of the past. Kakashi is worried, and comes to realize something he knew all along. But, can he show what he feels before it's too late?

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters of Naruto, they all belong to their rightful creator. I'm not making any money off of this, so lay off!

**This is the Reason**

"Ne, Kakashi-sensei?" the silver-haired jounin looked away from the oncoming sunset and turned his face towards the direction from which the emotionless voice came. Standing there was the 5'3 tall form of Uzumaki Naruto. Both of them were standing on top of the Fourth's head on the Hokage mountain.

Kakashi's one visible eye betrayed his curiosity, overshadowed by worry, as he took in the image of the sunny-haired youth. No longer clad in bright orange, Naruto was wearing hip-hugging black cargo shorts that ended at mid-shin, a tight, black sleeveless turtleneck top that molded perfectly to his slender neck and chest. His hitai-ate rested loosely on said neck, and his hands were caressed by black fingerless gloves. He had also switched his regulation blue shinobi sandals for black ones.

"What is it?"the jounin finally answered. He, standing at 6 ft, had been standing just behind Naruto, clad in his usual jounin uniform.

"Being a shinobi really sucks," at this, Kakashi thought back to six years prior, when the very first, and only genin team he had passed had their very first meeting. He remembered Naruto's boundless energy and cheerfulness, Sasuke's cool detachment, and Sakura's, sometimes, sweet demeanor.

"Why do you say that?" he asked, the slender youth turned around completely, looking at his former sensei with dull blue eyes, devoid of any emotion. The silver-haired man felt his heart clench at seeing the eyes which used to dance with happiness and life.

"I say it because it's true. Every day, our loved ones' lives are in danger. Whether it's because of a mission, lust for power, or because they're at the wrong place at the wrong time."

With that said, Naruto took one last look at the sunset and disappeared in a brief flash of fire. Kakashi stayed until the sun had disappeared completely, then used a teleportation jutsu to head to the Hokage Tower, disappearing in a swirl of smoke and leaves.

With Naruto

Another flash of fire, and Naruto found himself inside his small, tidy apartment. Sighing, he took off his sandals and placed them next to the door. Making his way to the kitchen, he thought back to what he had said to his old sensei less than a minute before.

'_Jeez, I think I'm losing it! Wonder what made me say that?' _ he knew he'd become rather cold and detached, but that was the only way he knew of to deal with the pain of losing most of his loved ones.

The short 18-year-old made his way across his apartment and into his bedroom, where he proceeded to discard his clothes, except for his boxers. Grabbing his sleepwear, which consisted of only a pair of black silk pants, he made his way to the bathroom.

Turning the water on and adjusting it to a suitable temperature, Naruto allowed his bathtub to fill. Idly staring at himself in the mirror, the tan-skinned young man took in his features, wondering when his life had become so completely fucked up that he could hardly even stand himself.

Tracing his high cheekbones, Naruto thought of the Thord Hokage. Or, rather, Old Man Hokage, as he had called him during his childhood. His death during the first chuunin exams he had participated in had merely been the beginning.

He them focused his gaze on his forehead, remembering the pain held during the second mission to retrieve Sasuke. No matter how many times the dying words of: "It's not your fault, Naruto . . . " replayed in his mind, the image of Sakura's frail-looking body impaled on Kabuto's arm made his heart clench and his eyes fill up with tears.

The slim line of his nose caught his attention next. He cursed Orochimaru with the foulest phrases he could think of. The third and last Sasuke retrieval mission had ended in failure, as well. The disgusting snake-fanatic had taken over his best friend's body. Right when Sasuke was ready, and wanted, to return home. To Konoha. As revenge for his friend, Naruto had rammed a Rasengan into Orochimaru's heart. Sasuke was well and truly lost to them then.

His nose unevitably led to his eyes, which filled with tears at the thought of the next loved that was wrenched violently away from him: Iruka. His father figure. His first friend. The first person to see him as himself, and not the demon he housed. . .

. . . dying at the bloodstained hands of none other than Uchiha Itachi. He had been forced to watch, helpless, as his beloved Iruka was disemboweled right before his eyes. Needless to say, he had torn the Uchiha and his shark-like partner to shreds in his grief.

He snapped out of his depressing memories when his mirror began to get foggy.Turning back to the bathtub, he turned off the water and added some relaxing oils Tsunade had given him.

Removing his boxers and slipping into the warm water, Naruto decided to meditate for a while to reign his emotions back under control. Before his mind cleared, the blond felt ghostly tails wrap comfortingly around him. He smiled. A small, sad smile, but a smile nonetheless.

With Kakashi

Frown hidden beneath his ever-present facemask, Kakashi had gone to see the Hokage to ask about Naruto's behavior. He had noticed that the other jounin had been acting strange in recent months. More like Sasuke than Naruto.

Tsunade informed him that Naruto had developed that attitude as a sort of defense mechanism, to protect himself from something. Most likely the pain of losing the people he had felt closest to. Her eyes had been full of sadness as she told him that the happy mask had not been enough any longer.

Kakashi had asked if there was a way to help him deal with the pain in a different way. She didn't answer him immediately, her eyes searching the visible portion of his face for something. Apparently, she found it, because she smiled and leaned back.

"He needs to know. He needs to be shown that he is loved." She had then proceeded to shoo him out of her office, declaring that he had interrupted her beauty sleep. He gave her an eye-smile and teleported to the roof. Where he promptly sat and thought about the situation that had suddenly presented itself.

He knew he felt something for Naruto. Something that was deeper than simple friendship. He knew their relationship was something more than that of a teacher and his student, because he hadn't been Naruto's teacher for a long time.

The thought of perhaps hooking his former student up with one of his year-mates was rejected instantly, as it made something deep inside him scream in pain. His eye widened when he realized what Tsunade had apparently already known. A messenger hawk flew out of the Hokage's window.

And headed straight for him. Kakashi held his arm out for the hawk to land on, petting its breast feathers in thanks once he'd removed the message attached to its leg. He knew whatever was written on the parchment must be important, because that particular hawk was Tsunade's personal messenger. He watched as the fierce creature flew back to its mistress.

He unrolled the parchment to find only six words. But those words let him know that, for some reason, the Hokage approved. Letting the message flutter out of his hands, he formed hand-seals, a destination in his mind as he poofed away.

Once he disappeared, the parchment landed on the tiles he'd been standing on, the message clearly visible: _"Go to him. Don't hurt him."_

(I could be soooo evil and cut off here, but I guess I won't, cos I plan on this being less than 3 chapters long. 2 is what I'm shooting for, since this is _supposed_ to be a one-shot, but I don't think that'll work)

Appearing in front of Naruto's apartment door, Kakashi paused to think about what he was about to do. He couldn't find it in himself to back out. _'Besides, we both need it,'_ his decision firmly in place, he knocked and waited.

He didn't have to wait very long. Not even a minute after he knocked, the door was opened, and Kakashi had to force himself to stop staring. Standing in the doorway was the very image of perfection. In his eyes, anyway.

Slightly damp, tanned skin glistened in the moonlight, abdominal muscles revealed by the lack of a shirt. He had never really noticed how feminine Naruto's body was. Until that moment. Kakashi wondered if the young man's curves were as soft as they appeared to be.

He looked at Naruto's face, happy to note that it held a faint expression of surprise. _'He's not completely emotionless. That's a source of hope,'_ he gave the smaller jounin an eye-smile, in response to a golden eyebrow raised in question.

"Yo, Naruto. Can I come in?" the question seemed to snap the blond out of some sort of trance. He merely nodded and stepped aside, to let Kakashi in.

"Do you want something to drink?" Naruto's voice lacked emotion, except for a learned politeness. _'I miss the old Naruto . . . even though that was just a "happy mask.'"_

"No, thank you," he made his way to the only couch he could see and sat. Naruto went into his room and returned wearing a black, body-hugging tank-top. He looked at Kakashi with his fathomless blue eyes.

"Why are you here, sensei?" blunt and straight to the point. The taller man was happy to note that a bit of the old Naruto was peeking through the emotionless young man he'd come to know in recent months.

"I want to talk about this afternoon," the reaction was instantaneous. He saw the beautiful blue eyes darken and become distant, as if blinds had been drawn. The silver-haired ex-ANBU rushed to the blond and knelt before him, taking his smaller hands into his own. "Don't close yourself off from me, Naruto, please!"

For the first time since his teammates and sensei had died, the laid-back jounin known as Hatake Kakashi showed an emotion other than his exaggerated laziness. To the one person he'd only just realized he loved more than anything else in the world.

"Why? It's the only way I know of to make the pain go away. I've lost everyone I ever cared about, Kakashi," Naruto closed his eyes and pulled his hands out of the larger ones of his old sensei's, covering his face with them. He hadn't expected his old teammate to go to his home to interrogate him. Especially about this.

"No! You haven't!" he pulled the small hands away from the face he unconsciously knew better than his own. "Look at me, Naruto," Reluctantly, vulberable pools of sapphire were revealed and Kakashi knew that the young man before him had lowered his defenses. Whether he knew it or not.

"You still have me," the luminous eyes widened. He'd never dared to hope. Dared to dream. Dared to believe that there could be anything more than simple camaraderie between himself and the broad-shouldered man he'd admired since he was a child. And knew he loved when he learned what love was.

He didn't remember ever giving even a hint of what he felt, deciding to keep one of his few remaining precious people safe from a distance. The taller jounin's hand came to rest on a smooth cheek, and Naruto unconsciously turned towards the touch. Seeking the comfort he'd never had as a child.

"I don't understand, Kakashi. Everyone I've ever cared about has been stolen away from me!" the tears that had been fought back for years finally broke their dam and poured out. The small blond threw himself into his old sensei's arms, sobbing all his hidden sorrow out.

"Why?! Why?! It's not fair!" The phrase became a mantra, repeated over and over as Kakashi rubbed small circles on the trembling back of the body held within his arms. After countless minutes (hours? days? years? lifetimes? eternities? He wasn't sure anymore), Naruto's sobbing became hiccupping, and then quieted altogether.

With a deep sigh, uneven breaths steadied and deepened, signifying sleep. Bathed in moonlight, a tall, muscled form cradled a small, fragile-looking child and carried him off to a bedroom. Not bothering to turn on the light, he placed the golden youth on his bed and tucked him in.

'_Not exactly what I was planning, but a step in the right direction,' _taking a hand smaller than his own and bringing it to his lips, Kakashi felt he had accomplished something to help his wayward comrade realize he didn't need to hide from his emotions.

He was about to head back to his own apartmebt, but the slender fingers tightened around his, as if begging him to stay. Sighing, the tall jounin decided he didn't want to leave anyway. Kakashi reached his leg back to hook a nearby chair and sat in it. He settled in to stand vigil for the night.

A/N: So. . . I have a lemon planned for the next chapter, but I'm not sure if I should post it or not. I can leave this as shounen-ai or go ahead and make it full-blown yaoi. Depends on the kinds of reviews I get. Get to reviewing now!

Til next chapter


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